🔗 Share this article

This year signifies a ten-year milestone since the phrase “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a partner has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes fruitless endeavor in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who grew up during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

What follows is a detailed guide to the words Zoomers is using to discuss romance, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the year’s most popular memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

---

A

Genuineness – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s response is interested or brushed off. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means seeking out someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, transparency and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal phone use, having a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately postponing climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of desire.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic display.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {